Why coaching with me doesn’t always work…


Yeah, so I’m just going to go there and get super authentic and real with you about why my clients don’t always get results from coaching with me. Because we don’t talk about this enough in the industry.

From what I’ve discovered behind the scenes, it seems that only 2-3 out of every 10 people get results from coaching in the transformation industry. (By the way, my coaching stats are much higher than this!) Say what? 

So, if you are a coach, working with a coach, or are considering working with a coach I HIGHLY recommend that you read this blogpost so that you can correctly assess who is a good match for coaching.

Because the bottom line is that we all deserve to get great results from coaching. May my coaching failures save you time, money and effort (snort). 

As a Coach, here is my advice about what it takes to really support clients in getting the results they want:

  1. Assess if they are really ready for coaching.

When you are talking with a prospect keep your focus on whether or not the prospect is really ready for coaching. Because to achieve new results you have to be willing to get uncomfortable and address internal mindset issues. If someone isn’t willing to go deep and do the inner work, they will not get the results they want, regardless of the model of coaching or the goal.

  1. Correctly Assess What Coaching Program is Needed.

If your prospect does seem like a good fit for coaching, put them in the coaching program they are ready for now, not the one they would like to be in because they think they are more evolved than they actually are.

  1. Don’t want results for your clients more than they do!

This one can be really challenging, because we all want our clients to get great results! But if your client doesn’t want the results as much as you do, they are not going to do the work that is required, and you’re going to spend the entire time feeling frustrated with your client.

  1. Stop focusing on their potential.

Keep focused on what’s going on for them, right now. Because if you get too caught up in the potential of who they could become (or what their business/health/whatever could become) you stop acknowledging where they really are right now. And to change where your client is right now, you have to get out of future thinking and into reality with them.

  1. Do not engage with desperation.

If a prospect is carrying a lot of desperate energy, I guarantee they are going to be very quick to make you responsible for their lack of results.  They are also going to want a quick fix and a magic formula, and are going to avoid doing any deeper work in the name of results NOW! Some coaches may thrive on this type of coaching relationship, and it can be easy to sell to these folks, but from my experience cultivating this desperate energy is never in highest service.

  1. A referral client doesn’t always equal an ideal client.

Just because a client or friend referred someone to you, it doesn’t automatically make them an ideal client. Still go through the same vetting process with them that you do any other prospective client. You save yourself so much time, energy and hassle by only enrolling ideal clients.

As a client, here is what you really need to do to get results from coaching:

  1. Don’t expect your coach to do the work for you.

Your coach can guide you, cheerlead you, help you problem solve, and lend their credentialed experience to your problem, but you are going to have to do the work yourself to solve your problem. Coaching should make your journey between here and where you want to be easier, but doesn’t let you off the hook when it comes to taking new action.

  1. Get good with failure.

If you are terrified of failing I guarantee your coaching experience is going to suck. Because you will spend the entire time wanting your coach to guarantee that the steps/actions they recommend will absolutely get you the results that you want. Failing often actually teaches you way more, and gives you much more confidence about achieving the success you want than trying to do everything right and tying yourself up in knots if something isn’t perfect.

  1. Be willing to be uncomfortable.

You will spend 95% of you time in the unknown as an entrepreneur. You make a decision to create a new goal/outcome. You often know the first step to take but not the remaining steps to actually achieve your goal. What it takes to achieve your goal is more about being okay with being in the unknown than even taking new action. If you can’t be okay with not always knowing the “HOW” of HOW your goal is going to be met, coaching is definitely not the place for you.

  1. Manage your resistance.

We all have resistance that comes up anytime we get ready to take new action. It’s our ego keeping us safe (the same). Resistance manifests as depression, confusion, blank brain, shiny object syndrome, obsessive research and planning, overwhelm, stagnation, etc. Your resistance is not something to be healed or transformed. Because you can’t heal or transform the ego - it is just doing its job. If you’re not willing to move beyond your resistance (with support) then coaching will not help you.

  1. Cultivate your urgency from desire, not fear.

If every action you take in your business is wrapped in a cloak of fear I guarantee you are not going to get new results. Prospects can smell your fear a mile away. So can colleagues. Your fear limits what possibility you can see around you that would actually help you generate new results. When you begin to cultivate your urgency for new results from your deepest desire and your big why, you start to get new results. Folks who benefit most from coaching are willing to release their fear and claim their desire, and want to work with their coach from desire instead of fear.

  1. Stop thinking that money comes from other people.

This is a paradigm shift for a lot of people. Lots of entrepreneurs believe that their money comes from prospects, clients and customers. But the truth is that money is energy. Money comes from the Universe through people. You must stop associating money with particular people because that keeps you attached and limits your capacity to bring in new money to your business.

Here’s some Advice for Coaches AND Clients!

  1. Interview Each Other.

Coaching is an intimate, vulnerable experience. Both coach and client must be authentic with one another. Make sure that each of you feel like coaching is the right, best fit for you.

  1. Establish Trust and Clear Agreements.

Without trust, coaching stops working when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan. Without clear agreements, boundaries can get crossed on both sides. Take time at the beginning of the coaching program to talk about what happens when things get challenging. Approach coaching like you would any intimate partnership.

  1. Stay in Communication.

Unspoken concerns, resentments, fears, and miscommunications have no place in coaching. A good coach will be receptive to hearing feedback and holding space for clients to freak out. A good client will stay in communication instead of disappearing when they don’t like something that is going on. Integrity around communication is critical for a good coaching relationship.

  1. Start Where You Are.

Working from the present reality is incredibly important in coaching. You can have a lofty goal, but if the client is constantly bemoaning the fact they haven't already reached that goal and if the coach is constantly focusing on the goal and not acknowledging what is going on in the here and now for the client it’s going to be really hard to get good results. Set a goal then stay in the present with taking action and addressing challenges.

  1. Do the Inner Work.

This applies for coaches and clients! Being in a coaching relationship is a spiritual journey for everyone involved. Everyone is doing their own inner work so that the coach can hold neutral sacred space for the client, and so the client can show up fully and not be stopped by internal crap and limiting mindset. If you are in a coaching relationship and are not growing (both for coach and client) there is a problem.   


Dawn K Dreyer

I love how direct you are in this article! Definitely helps me think about how I can be more effective as a client, and what kind of resistance I might experience. Especially love the idea of acting from desire, not fear. And I get the idea of money being energy coming through people! It makes more sense to me now!
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Emma Churchman

Thanks Dawn! Yes, for coaching to work both the coach and the client have to be invested! And I'm glad I was able to bring some clarity to you around the energy of money!
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